Wednesday, May 26, 2004

A confidential Memorandum



To: Randy Hessian
CC: Rita Pontiff, Gerald Neilsen, Bruce
From: Stan Broditch
Date: 5/26/2004
Re: Coil malfunctions on the DK-4900J

Randy –

As you may know, the DK-4900J has been “on the fritz” for the past week or so. As you
know, DK-4900J is vital to the continued viability of Toho Fob & Retooling, LLP. It is the artful application of the DK-4900J, particularly of the trench pod, by Toho technicians that has sustained our unimpeachable reputation for precision that has made us the “go to guys” for so many clients in the Tri-Valley area.

A technician from an outside vendor (ManTrope Services) was subsequently called in to service the DK-4900J. In inspecting the DK-4900J, the technician found the cause of the malfunction, a musty film adhered to the primary coils. The tacky quality of the film had caused the coils to stick together and in some areas, actually telescope into themselves. He also noted the smell of hot dog water.

Needless to say, this is alarming.

In investigating the cause of the appearance of the substance, I made some inquiries with the technicians on shift at the moment (Francis and Deke) as to who had been seen in and around the coil manifold. Francis then volunteered that you, Randy, had be taking your lunch directly below the manifold, often locking the door behind you.

This in itself is direct conflict with the primary safety protocols as posted in the self same area (the manifold area) as I have described above

Deke went on to mention (please do not be angry with Francis and Deke, as they are good fellow who only want what’s best for Toho Fob & Retool, LLP) that he heard what sounded like whimpering and sobbing coming from the chamber soon after seeing you enter the chamber with a large duffel.

Randy, for your safety, and for the very viability of this company that employees so many honest, wonderful people, please refrain from engaging the coils.

Normally, an infraction of this magnitude would be cause for immediate dismissal. However, in light of your recent misunderstanding with your bunkmate Blaine, and the obvious emotional distress you are in, management has endeavored to take a more enlightened approach. We forgive you, and will only be placing this is your HR file (see: Form #239-6603-323b “Extraprotocol: Equipment Manipulation”). Note that cost of replacing the coils will be docked from your pay incrementally until repayment.

That said, the DK-4900J is not a toy, nor is it a replacement for healthy human relationships. I would have thought the problem last summer with the ScamperPro V would have served as an object lesson in the futility of human/machine interface.




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