Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Sad Toots

Toots calls up a Maytal: "Hey, heard you're having people tonight. Why didn't you call I and I?"

To which the Maytal responds: "Dude. It's a Maytals thing, man. We're attending to business. Maytals business, dig?"

So Toots spends a night alone in his room, listening to the carrying on of the Maytals across the compound. Maybe the Wailers are there. And the I-Threes. He tries reading "Valley of the Dolls", but ends up just watching the group scene outside by the swimming pool through the louvres of the jalousie window in his bathroom. (He actually has to squat on the toilet seat to do so. And he's left the light on. Pathetic.)

He goes into the kitchen and finds an old sugar bowl. He puts on a clean shirt, grabs the sugar bowl and heads across the Toots (northside of the pool) and the Maytals (southside of the pool) compound.

He approaches Nathaniel "Jerry" Mathias, background singer and least rigidly doctrinaire of the Maytals.

Toots: "Hey Jerry. Sport me some sugar, would you? I'm making some snickerdoodles."

Mathias: "Toots, man. I would but, uh, we're kind of in the middle of a party, yo."

Toots: "Oh gosh. I, uh, guess I could go to the store later." His eyes brighten...
"Hey, did I tell you I got an NHL table hockey game? You want to come back to my bungalow and play? It's got Gordy Howe!"

Mathias: "Hey, man. Maybe tomorrow, Toots. You know, I've got all this, uh, Maytals stuff to do."

Toots: "Yeah. Whatever. The Maytals ARE GAY!" He throws the sugar bowl spasticly and runs off across the patio, fighting back the tears.

Mathias: "Toots! Wait, come back! Tooooots!"

Toots runs back to his bungalow, his chest now heaving. He slams the door behind him.

"I know, I'll start a NEW band, a new band called Toots and the Toots! Ahhhh, that's stupid!" He throws himself on his bed and cries into his pillow.

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3 Comments:

Blogger G. said...

Toots could start a new group with Desmond Dekker.....minus the Dominoes....I heard they're bitches.

2:08 PM  
Blogger Crackpot Press said...

where the HELL did that come from?

2:56 PM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Do NOT fuck with me Crackpot. Maybe coming down to LA in a couple of week. Might have to give you the what's for.

3:13 PM  

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