Ruby, surly mermaid expert.
Today, Ruby and I had a frank discussion about the dire implications of my lack of belief in mermaids. The transcript follows.
G: Roo, do you think mermaids are real?
R: No...wait, I do think it. And they probably don't like you, Daddy because you don't believe. Mermaids DO NOT like people that don't believe in them. They take over those people. You don't want to be taked over do you?
G: Well, no...
R: You better start believing.
G: Okay. Where do they live?
R: At the beach and in bays. They wash up everywhere, not in our country, but in Pirate Lands. And if you want to find a mermaid, Daddy, you have to work harder.
G: What language do mermaids speak?
R: They speak American! What's wrong with you? I mean they speak English, Pirate language. They're half-human and half-fish. And you're ruining mermaid kind.
G: I am?
R: Yes. Because the legend says you ruin mermaid kind by not believing. You'll be begging for mercy! Start believing in mermaids and tell your friends, too. So when the mermaids take over, they'll thank you. Better do it, Daddy.
Owen, who just ran into the room, nude: Can I have a cookie?
Ruby: Me too!
You heard it here. Start believing in mermaids, and start believing soon. For the day is neigh that all knees shall bow before our mermaid overlords. Just saying.