Saturday, July 29, 2006

Ruby, surly mermaid expert.

Today, Ruby and I had a frank discussion about the dire implications of my lack of belief in mermaids. The transcript follows.

G: Roo, do you think mermaids are real?

R: No...wait, I do think it. And they probably don't like you, Daddy because you don't believe. Mermaids DO NOT like people that don't believe in them. They take over those people. You don't want to be taked over do you?

G: Well, no...

R: You better start believing.

G: Okay. Where do they live?

R: At the beach and in bays. They wash up everywhere, not in our country, but in Pirate Lands. And if you want to find a mermaid, Daddy, you have to work harder.

G: What language do mermaids speak?

R: They speak American! What's wrong with you? I mean they speak English, Pirate language. They're half-human and half-fish. And you're ruining mermaid kind.

G: I am?

R: Yes. Because the legend says you ruin mermaid kind by not believing. You'll be begging for mercy! Start believing in mermaids and tell your friends, too. So when the mermaids take over, they'll thank you. Better do it, Daddy.

Owen, who just ran into the room, nude: Can I have a cookie?

Ruby: Me too!

You heard it here. Start believing in mermaids, and start believing soon. For the day is neigh that all knees shall bow before our mermaid overlords. Just saying.

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Blogger Brian said...

Your son's got this mermaid stuff backwards...
-First of all, mermaids probably do like you. Most mermaids really like men in their thirties that have their own blogs.
-Mermaids like people that don't believe in them because they're less likely to kidnap them and sell them to zoos.
-Mermaids aren't strong enough to take over people. At most they might be able to take over the seagulls.
-Mermaids live in apartments.
-They merely hang out in oceans or bays.
-Pirate land isn't real.
-If you want to find a mermaid you need to stop working so hard.
-Mermaids speak in German.
-Mermaids are 53% fish and 47% human to be exact.
-Don't worry... you are not ruining mermaid kind.
-There is no legend that says you ruin mermaid kind by not believing.
-Owen didn't run into the room nude asking for a cookie.

8:41 PM  
Blogger Kris_One said...

Greg. Load up your camper trailer.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Better start believing, dude..

11:48 AM  
Blogger Sassy said...

hehehe cute

1:07 PM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Brian -- Ran your stuff by Ruby. Called bullshit on all of it.

kris_one -- Glad that these merpeople have been gainful employment. Perhaps these are merpeople we can do business with.

Stephanie -- Dude. You know.

Sassy -- Cute, until you have had your 400th such conversation. Then warps your mind.

3:14 PM  
Blogger Marion said...

Definitely don't want to be taked over. I start believing again... now.

4:10 PM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Marion - Okay, I've got you and Stephanie onboard. Now, how to reach the wider world? If we had some kind of...thing...say, a network...a network of connected data nodes by which information could distributed cheaply and instanteously. With lots of useless information and dumb shit to buy. Hmmm. Where would we find such a thing. I dunno. I'll google it.

Keep me alerted

Eggray (that's my codename)

4:27 PM  
Blogger Crackpot Press said...

I went on a date a few years ago and the girls car was competely decked out in Mermaid stuff. Car seat covers, gear shift, steering wheel and even had one where you are supposed to put your Jesus figurine.

She also wore a poofy dress.

Kinda creeped me out.

7:31 AM  
Blogger kimananda said...

Hmmm...I'm a skeptic, but that Ruby seems to really know her stuff. I'm off to reconsider my stance on the subject.

2:35 PM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Crackpot -- Were you in costume as well?

K -- Ruby has been wrong in the past. She once predicted that the future would be populated entirely by giant pincher bugs.

She's an unusual child.

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Bub said...

I think Ruby's been hanging out with M. Night Shyamalan. She's got some sweet heab locks too.

7:41 PM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Bub --

Ruby also told me this, at bath time:

Enter stoned paravex
mother of the seekers
Cometh down hessian
to plunder the archaic tomb

Weird, huh?

Also, I call Owen "Bub". Strange, yeah?

8:56 PM  

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