Monday, October 01, 2007

Please read this important FAQ regarding your forthcoming awesome CD.

This is an important mix CD. Let’s be clear about that. Sure, it’s not an ideal mix CD, if only because there is no fuckin’ heavy metal on it, but THIS SHIT IS TIGHT.

This shit is also heavy.

I spent the better part of the day compiling this (curating maybe a better term, more suited to the attitude of grave intensity by which I approached this grand project. Grammar and syntax can take the goddamn gas pipe) CD.

I’ve got to burn ‘em up and ship ‘em, which will happen tomorrow or the day after.

Being a bright, empathetic person, you probably sense you will soon be granted a glimpse beyond the mundane shell we struggle under daily, and into the deep and enternal welkin of the sublime. And being sensible, you have questions.

"What is this awesome and terrible covenant I am entering?"

I have tried to get anticipate your questions, and have endeavored to answer them as honestly and clearly as possible. I have to be frank here, this thing is bigger than me, so there are certain aspects of this CD that are truly beyond me. It’s that fucking awesome.

So, on the FAQ

Will this CD get me laid?

Indirectly. The CD avoids vulgar carnality, but the relentless tidal pressure of Stone Cold Jam will without of a doubt move your circadian rhythms to domains libidinal. I see this as a getting-ready-to-go-out CD. This is the jam to prime the pump, so when you hit the barn dance, you are already in full Dionysian freak out, so you will hit on everyone and anyone. This is dangerous stuff.

Is Morrissey on this CD?


There is no Heavy Metal on this CD. Should I be concerned?

Certainly your concerns are well founded. Consider this scientific fact: many activities that we engage in that are unpleasant fail to feature Heavy Metal in any manner.

And now I ask you to consider this: this CD is a fuckin’ Stone Cold Jam. It doesn’t need Heavy Metal.

Can I listen to this CD while driving?

Yes. If anything, you will become a better driver because of this CD, especially if you are bombing down the freeway to Mexico in a ’72 Dodge Challenger with a case of Little King Cream Ale in the back seat. In the middle of the day, on a week day.

Am I going to die?

Because of this CD? Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s sort of out of my hands.

How many nations are represented?

I think, like, five. Six if you include one lead singer, who is Japanese but now lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Any songs you which you had included or taken out?

There are, I think, two points on the CD where I was initially skeptical of the song choice, but at this point, I’ve got to say fuck it, you know? This thing is what it is.

And what it is is a fuckin’ Stone Cold Jam.

Would you describe this CD as sounding like a unicorn shampooed in the tears of angels?

If the unicorn has wings of iron, and the angels are on PCP, then yes, I would describe this CD as sounding like what you said.

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Blogger Walking Spanish said...

how do i get me one of these über-cd's?

7:57 AM  
Blogger kimananda said...

Wow, the anticipation increases.

11:14 AM  

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