Things I would pay US$20 to see.

* A vibrator applied to Bruce Valanch’s neck folds

* A 15-pound block of ground beef in a wind-tunnel
* A capuchin monkey dressed as a cowboy riding on the back of a Jack Russell terrier
* The facial expression of Gobi desert nomads coming across a nurse shark swimming in a free-standing tank somewhere in the wilds of Gobi
* Donald Trump being bound up in truss with the help of two small, swarthy bellmen with waxed moustaches
* A paint-bomb going off in the Pope Mobile, with Il Papa inside
* Live eels swimming in watery aspic
* A bowling ball going down an escalator full of flightless birds. Kiwis mostly.
* Two NFL players spontaneously making out during the coin toss
* A half-dozen or so eight year old girls making up Lemmy
* A drugged cat strapped into a first-class airplane seat, wearing a baby bonnet

If you can make any of these things, I got a Andy Jackson for you.