You wish you had my taste in music. You WISH.

Never mind my previous post, you mewling puke. I have EXTREMELY GOOD TASTE IN MUSIC.

Here are some AMAZING FUCKING CDs that I have deemed worthy. I have withheld some titles – hell, DOZENS of titles -- so you may enjoy the list without experience life threatening DIARRHEA brought on by too much mind raping AESTHETIC RICHNESS.

Feast your eyes, lube your ears and you may learn something.

One more thing: you disgust me.

The Tubes – The Tubes
Their first album will change your gender by ripping out the gonads you currently have and switching with the gonads of the opposite sex. YES, I KNOW. You remember them from the MTV you watched slacked jawed waiting for Headbangers Ball. Well, fuck you. Because that’s when the Tubes sucked. THIS IS WHEN THEY WERE GOOD. SO FUCK OFF.

NEXT CD!

Lightning Bolt – Ride the Skies
Lyrics are a crutch for stupid people. THIS IS JUST FUCKING HASHISH, the HASHISH OF ROCK. It is incredibly violent music that mature people of taste will recognize as life affirming. There are lyrics, but they’re beyond language. So fuck off.

NEXT

DEVO – Q: Are we not men? A: We are DEVO!
You like DEVO, but you like them for completely the WRONG FUCKING REASONS. Listen again, dillweed – LISTEN WITH AN OPEN FUCKING MIND and YOU MIGHT SEE HOW GOOD DEVO IS FOR THE RIGHT REASONS THIS TIME. (I hate you.)

The Fall – The Wonderful and Frightening World of the Fall
Nevermind. This one would be like showing a chicken a card trick. I don’t have the words. You won’t get it. Sorry. Let’s move on.

Thomas Brinkman – Klick. But the title doesn’t matter because you won’t get it. So sad.
Oh my god. Clicketty clicketty clicketty click it goes. Just like that. Awesome.

Wasted everyone’s time with that one. Let’s move on to an EASY one.

The Kink – The Kinks Kronicles
It’s a best of compilation that’s not a best of compilation. It is in fact better. Filtered through my sharpened, almost procine senses, anyway. You might not pick up on how good it is. Or if you do, you really only think you do, like you’ve only reached the end of your limited palette, whereas I have about 90 more clicks to go.

Maybe I need to stoop a little bit farther, like a million light years farther, so we can even begin to be in the neighborhood of a working Venn diagram that shows overlap between my taste and whatever you call the thing you have.

The Wedding Present – Watusi
Actually, Sea Monster is better, but that might give you blodclots. This is closer to your blinkered concept of perfection.

Now, this is where I kill your mind.

MILES FUCKING DAVIS – On the Corner
Jazz people HATE THIS CD. It’s awesome. I can barely fathom its brilliance and I’m a transcendent son of a bitch. You might not actually be able to hear it. You’d buy it, bring it home, put it in and YOU WILL NOT HEAR IT. Your brain may not allow you to.

Again, a waste of time. Sorry.

I don’t know what to say.