Friday, May 26, 2006

20 Fun Facts About Teen Heartthrob Udo Kier!!!!

Udo, I do-o!

1. In Tombstone, Arizona, the Town Too Tough To Die, Udo Kier was named “Honorary Chief Sexecutioner” by unanimous vote of the city council.

2. The musk of a civet-like gland located at the top Udo Kier’s gluteal crease is the secret ingredient in Honeycomb Farm’s Frozen Yogurt.

3. Like a bird, Udo Kier makes number one and number two out of one orifice.

4. Udo Kier’s tongue has a crude light sensing organ at its tip.

5. As a licensed Ombudsman, Udo Kier has been known to leave mid-orgy in order to provide equitable and objective advice to aggrieved parties.

6. Udo Kier’s tongue senses fear.

7. A yacht was found adrift off Corfu. It’s only occupant: a jabbering and blood soaked Udo Kier, wearing only mascara and a sailor’s cap.

8. In a word association exercise with his therapist, Udo Kier’s response to “butterfly” was “rubber pants”.

9. Udo Kier served with distinction as a comptroller in the US Coast Guard.

10. Using only a case of Krystal, Udo Kier put out a house fire, saving a family of six.

11. For every hit of nitrous sold anywhere in the world, Udo Kier receives around half a cent, US.

12. The nomads of the landlocked Gobi Desert have a word for “shark” and that word is “Udokier”

13. Udo Kier is the director of a Waldorf preschool in San Anselmo, California.

14. During the making of Spermula, Udo Kier picked up a lifelong passion for collecting Nagel prints.

15. Udo Kier’s perfect mouth has only one flaw: the small white scar on his upper lip where Betty White bit him.

16. The b-side of the Band-Aid single, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” is three minutes of Udo Kier describing the deformities of a whore he had in Tangiers

17. Udo Kier is a Realtor® who is eager to help you find the house that suits your needs. He is also bisexual.

18. In “The Bodyguard”, all Whitney Houston’s dialogue was dubbed by Udo Kier. Udo Kier is very professional, so he’d probably deny if you asked him, but read the credits, it’s right there: Ms. Houston’s Dialogue……… Udo Kier

19. Like former Doobie Brother Jeffrey 'Skunk' Baxter, Udo Kier is a missile defense expert par excellence. The two often share a hotel room when providing testimony before the Defense Committee of the US Senate.

20. Udo Kier has had your Mom, and frankly, she creeped him out. Sorry you had to find out from a blog.

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Blogger Crackpot Press said...

and who the fuck is Udo Kier?

10:24 PM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

You mean besides appearing in Spermula? Udo Kier is a character actor who plays sexually ambigious Germans, mostly vampires.

I think he got his start in some Warhol films. Some normal films he's appeared in include Moscow on the Hudson, Zentropa, My Own Private Idaho, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Ace Ventura, Johnny Mnenomic, Amageddeon, Blade and motherfucking Megiddo: The Omega Code 2. He was also in the Madonna Sex Book.

11:54 PM  
Blogger The Elusive Loo said...

Udo Kier's had my mom?! Finally I've found my daddy!

"Like a bird, Udo Kier makes number one and number two out of one orifice." lol

6:12 AM  
Blogger G. said...

I heard that he played Gamera in all those wacky Japanese movies.

10:25 AM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

The Gamera films are not "wacky". They are beautiful.

10:36 AM  
Blogger kimananda said...

I'll never look at Honeycomb Farms Frozen Yogurt ever again. Off to call my Mom now for a serious chat....

8:36 PM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Loo and Kimananda --

Bastard of Art and Commerce has brought two long lost half-sisters together. That is the power of blogging.

8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"You haven't experienced life until you've fucked death in the asshole."
Udo Kier in "Andy Wharhol's Frankenstein"

You ask who is Udo Kier? Udo Kier asks "who are you?" And your mother denies that she knows.

6:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must correct myself. The actual quote is: "You haven't known life until you've fucked death in the gall bladder." The film is now available from the Criterion Collection. For a lovely photo of Mr. Kier in action:

P.S. The word verification for entering this little item was 'pjizwip' which is actually a pretty decent one-word review of the film.

6:10 PM  
Blogger C. Houari said...

Udo is God and I mean it as I write it!

Check out:
if you like to. Got some nice Udo pics around, too!

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

MMMMMMMMMM Udo Kier i would do him sexy bastard he is

12:30 PM  

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