Monday, May 15, 2006

Full Disclosures

Please note: During the interview of Prime Minister Blair, the interveiwer set up some framed photos of various world leaders and notables on a nearby side table, as the interviewer is wont to do during interviews in order to set the right tone of gravitas. Mr. Blair spent most of the interview pining after a framed photo of Mr. Bush, thus may have been not in the moment.

Please note: When conducting this interview of David Geffen, the interveiwer was wearing tight dungaree cut-offs and continually dropped his pencil then bent over to pick it up, directly Mr. Geffen line of sight, thus blowing Mr. Geffen's fucking mind. As such, Mr. Geffen’s responses may have colored. Please look for the Interveiwer's upcoming album, "You Gonna Pay for that Peach?", on Geffen Records.

Please note: during the course of the following interview, your intrepid celebrity interviewer and Mr. Lemmy Kilmister might share a familiar jocularity that will no doubt go above most of your heads. This is because stone cold rockers fucking know each other, because it’s like a fucking brotherhood. Apologies for any alienation you may experience.

Please note: In reading the following interview, you may note that the interviewer does not use any honorifics traditionally used in referring to his Holiness. That’s because the interviewer possesses knowledge about certain madcap escapades that a certain Hitler Youth detachment go up to at a National Socialist Youth Jamboree in Saarbrucken one glorious week in the Summer of ’39 (Hint: Panties were annexed) and has photographic proof thereof, which allowed the interviewer a generous amount of leeway with the Pontifex Maximus.

Please note: An astute reader might notice the clipped cadence and perfunctory nature of Bono’s answers. The interviewer attributes Bono’s curious reticence to the fact that the interviewer spit out his diet Sprite when Bono entered the room, because the interviewer was not prepared for dealing with the incongruity of Bono’s perceived height in music videos and album covers, and the actuality of what a sawed-off runt Bono actually is. The interviewer stated as much (in a joshing manner) then patted Bono on his head, making a Leprechaun reference. Bono’s Christ complex apparently has made harmless joking off-limits. What a dick.

Please note: If the reader notices a certain unspoken tension between Mr. Federline, Ms. Spears, and the interviewer, the reader is right on the goddamn money. While demonstrably retarded, Mr. Federline processes a certain rude animal cunning. The interviewer intuits that Mr. Federline may have picked up on certain connectedness that the interviewer and Ms. Spears shares, possibly because the interviewer’s scent can be detected on one of Ms. Spears’ offspring. Ms. Spear knew she could never be with the interviewer, so she decided to carry his child within her is the ultimate momento mori of those blinding elemental moments shared in a coat check closet on a warm Santa Monica night.

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