Sunday, February 03, 2008

Bastard of Art Commerce: Rarely Asked Questions

The official BOAAC RAQ

1. Do you ever microwave eggs?

No. Wait. No. I don't.

2. If I were to call you on the telephone, would you be willing to talk to me?

Yes, of course. Contact me via this blog with a prepared list of topics you’d like to cover in our conversation and I will let you know either through electronic means or post (include SASE) the topic I feel are suitable. At that point we can schedule a time in which we can communicate via telephone and/or TTY. All costs shall be assumed by you.

3. If I were to draw your picture, what would it look like, Greg?

If you’re hand is steady and true, that picture would look handsome, if a little distant, like I had something really powerfully deep going on in my mind, because I usually do. I would also be wearing a green shirt.

4. What celebrity are you the most disappointed in?

Stephen Hawkings.

5. Given the choice would you rather spend time with Godzilla or Gamera?

Gamera, because Godzilla would kill me. Not on purpose, because I don’t Godzilla thinks of people in personal terms, but he would probably destroy the building or subway train I was in, or step on me. From his films, I get the sense that Gamera is capable of empathy, though in his films that empathy is usually directed to a small chubby Japanese boy in a tartan baseball cap and very tight shorts.

Come to think of it, Gamera might just be a pervert.

6. Would you frightened if you came across a shark in the high desert?

No, because in all likelihood, that shark would be dead.

7. Do you store anything under your house?

If you mean gold and treasure and jewels and money, I don't. I store those things on my porch.

8. Are there plans in the works for a Bastard of Art and Commerce theme park?

Yes, as soon as I buy a rollercoaster. So far, Jerkland looks to be the heart of the thing.

9. Have you ever destroyed objects using only your acid reflux?

Yes, and I regret it every time I do it.

10. Do you have a website?

Yes. It can be found at



Blogger Crackpot Press said...

I microwave eggs all the time.

But I was out of work for a long time.

Ya, know the walls close in a bit.

My security word is "dyjck"

It's like what you call your friends when you are drunk.

"You dyjck!"

9:43 PM  
Blogger kimananda said...

These are very important questions. Number 9, though, is a bit close to home at the moment. My next trick will be to use the acid to start a fire.

11:45 PM  
Blogger slickdpdx said...

4. What celebrity are you the most disappointed in?

Stephen Hawkings.

Pretty effin good stuff.

1:40 PM  

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