Saturday, February 02, 2008

I am Anonymous.

Over the years, I have been watching you, Five Star Video. Your smirking clerks; your unwillingness to knock down my late fees ; your idiosyncratic classics section; all of these things have caught my eye. With your latest crudely rendered dust erase board portrait of a hollywood star, the extent of your sort of halfassedness has become clear to me.

I have therefore decided that your organization should be destroyed. For the good of your followers, for the good of mankind--for the laughs--I shall systematically dismantle Five Star Video in its present form, probably by holding on to new releases for, like, days. I acknowledge you as a serious opponent, and I am prepared for a long, long campaign. You will not prevail forever. Your methods, hypocrisy, and the artlessness of your organization have sounded its death knell.

You cannot hide; you are next door to the tapas place.

I cannot be disregarded; I have just renewed my membership. Solely by the force of my williness to rent four kids movies at a time, with an occaisonal new release, which, perversely, I tend not to watch, I will inconveniance you in a manner of such mildness and inconsequence, that you will fail to notice my malicious and hostile campaign. If you want another name for your opponent, then call me "The Dude Who Has Rented Barbie: Fairytopia like thirty times" .

I am Anonymous.

I will be turning in "Muppets Treasure Island" a week late.

Expect me.

(An explanation by way of a youtube appears below:)

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Blogger Crackpot Press said...

Now here's the question...a time machine question.

Let's say you could take time machine to say.. I dunno... 1986...

would you feel the same about a smirking video clerk on Olympic Blvd? And would that clerk rip your throat out for no apparant reason? If he did.. would your plan still work?

BTW you should check out it's this new DVD vending machine thing at the grocery store.

Buck a flick..It rules. No clerks.

9:50 PM  

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