Advertising occaisonally manages to create something beautiful

This is a promotional video created for my friend Randy's little ad agency, The Great Society. Love, love, love it.

It's like a fruity European art comic, in the best sense.



He also did this great documentary series on the Finnish village of Fiskars, home of the scissors.



See? Advertising doesn't have to be talking toilets.

My GOD this a great podcast

The Cold Bath

This is really good. My friend Michael (who I really don’t know all that well, to tell you the truth. But he’s a nice chap) has another friend, a mysterious Luciferian gent who is a former political consultant. Michael has convinced this man, a man I guessing is in his sixties, to sit down a spiel about anything and everything. And it’s stunning.

Your parents may have had friend like this, a charming bastard who corners you at a dinner party and terrifies you by showing you the abyss before you even realized there was such a thing.

Mr. Anonymous is a hell of a storyteller, completely infuriating and hilarious.
It’s not probably for everyone, but if you’re a This American Life-loving sort of person, you’ll enjoy this.

It’s like This American Life crossed with Nietzsche.

The web is a powerful collaboration tool for spazzes

A couple of years ago, blog chum Jack P. Toerson linked to the singular Mr. Baldo Has A Blog Now, a blog marketing the wonderful and spurious Mr. Baldo's Shiny Wax For Balds -- Now with Phlogiston®.

Well, Jack P. and I were possibly the only readers of this blog, and we both contributed a few jingles does in the style of various popular tunes. I visited the blog today, and it seems that sadly, Mr Baldo's blog has not updated since 2006.

Since it doesn't seem like a working concern, I thought I'd better grab my "work" before it disintegrated into dead photons. The web is filled with the ephemeral crap! Yay, the Web!

Here are the songs:

(To the tune of Back in Black)

Baldo Bald™, I hit the wax,
With Phlogiston®, I’ll share the facts!
Yes, I'm gleaming my dome,
Like Cadillac chrome!
I keep a-lookin' at my scalp 'cause it's gettin' me high,
Forget the wig 'cause I’m never shy!
I got Phlogiston®, like bomb,
That’s why my scalp is looking so fly!

'Cause I'm Bald! Yes, I'm Bald!
Well, I'm Bald! Yes, I'm Bald!
Well, I'm Ba-a-a-ald!Ba-a-a-ald!
Well, I'm Baldo Bald™!
Yes, I'm Baldo Bald™!

Ow!

Baldo Bald™, give my scalp a smack,
Going to go get a Baldo’s Family-Pac™!
Yes, I'm polished good, like I should
Going catch the next bus to Hollywood!
'Cause I'm back on the shine and my dome is so fine,
Perhaps one evening we go out and dine!
As a gentleman, you can be certain I’ll pay,
And I’ll be buffed the Phlogiston® way!

'Cause I'm Bald! Yes, I'm Bald!
Well, I'm Bald! Yeah, I'm Bald!
Well, I'm Ba-a-a-ald!
Ba-a-a-ald!
Well, I'm Baldo Bald™!
Yes, I'm Baldo Bald™!

Well, I'm Ba-a-a-ald! (I'm Bald!)
Ba-a-a-ald! (Well, I'm Bald!)
Ba-a-a-ald! (I'm Bald!)
Ba-a-a-ald! (I'm Bald!)
Ba-a-a-ald! (I'm Bald!)
Ba-a-a-ald!
Baldo Bald™!
Yes, I'm Baldo Bald™!

Remember: There’s Bald, and then there’s Baldo Bald.
Now with Phlogiston®‼
Baldo’s Shiny Wax™ for Balds. Available at your friendly neighborhood drugstore.

**

(To the "tune" of Baby Got Back)

[Intro]
Oh, my, god. Maurice, look at his BALD. It is so shiny. He looks like,someone who avails himself of Mr. Baldo’s Shiny Wax™ For Balds. But, y'know, who can’t help but admire shiny Balds? Woman only talk to him, because his gleaming dome exudes confidence, 'kay? I mean, his Bald, is just so polished. I can't believe it's just so burnished,, it's like,out there, I mean – my god. He's just so ... Bald!

[Sir Bald-o-Lot]

♪ I like Mr.Baldo’s and I cannot lie
♪ You other Baldie's can't deny
♪ That when Phlogiston® is applied as directed,
♪ Your scalp starts to get respected,
♪ And you GLEAM, wanna take off you cap
♪ And show that ra-di-ant dome
♪ And with the incandescent glow your wearing
♪ The masses can't stop staring
♪ Tia Carrera wants to get wit'cha
♪ And take your picture
♪ Before your dull pate made ya feel mourny…
♪ But with that Bald suddenly it’s pleasant to be so shorny
♪ Ooh, Baldo'-smooth-skin
♪ Now you admired by colleagues and friends
♪ Truly, Phlogiston® is meant
♪ To be an above average sol-vent
♪ I've seen them coruscate!
♪ Drop some science on that pate!
♪ It gleam with sheens,
♪ Like a Monet landscape scene
♪ I'm tired of magazines
♪ Sayin' soporific scalps are the thing
♪ Take the average Baldman and ask him
♪ The dome gotta pack much vim
♪ So, Baldos! (Yeah!) Baldos! (Yeah!)
♪ Has your Bald got Phlogiston®? (Hell yeah!)
♪ Tell 'em to buff it! (Buff it!) Buff it! (Buff it!)
♪ BUFF that healthy Bald!
♪ Baldo’s got scalp!(My Baldo’s Shiny Wax, with Phlogiston®)
♪ Baldo’s got scalp!
♪ (Apply just a drop to bust a gleam on top)
♪ (Apply just a drop to bust a gleam on top)
♪ (Apply just a drop to bust a gleam on top)
♪ (Apply just a drop to bust a gleam on top)

Now with Phlogiston®‼
Baldo's Shiny Wax™ for Balds. Available at your friendly neighborhood drugstore.

**

(To the tune of Satisfaction)
♪ I can't get no Phlogiston®
♪ I can't get no Phlogiston®.
♪ 'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
♪ I can't get no, I can't get no.

♪ When I go to the grocery store
♪ And the idiot clerk in Aisle 6 (Bald care)
♪ Is tellin' me they don’t got no more
♪ Baldo's Shiny Wax™ for Balds
♪ As he snickers at my occluded scalp,
♪ I can't get no Phlogiston®
♪ Hey hey hey, that's what I say.

♪ I need to get some Phlogiston®
♪ I need to get some Phlogiston®
♪ 'Cause I’m Bald and I’m Bald and I’m Bald and I’m Bald.
♪ I can't get no, I can't get no.

♪ When I'm tending to dome care
♪ And the tin bottom is shining through
♪ The leavings of Mr. Baldo’s magic goo
♪ And I’ve reached the end – my heart may rend
♪ At this cranial tragedy!
♪ I scream no, no oh Christ no!
♪ Hey hey hey, my scalp is dull.

♪ I can't get no Phlogiston®
♪ I need a tin, but I don’t got one.
♪ 'Cause I’m Bald and I’m Bald and I’m Bald and I’m Bald.
♪ I can't get no, I can't get no.

♪ When I'm walkin' round the block
♪ And I'm scrapin’ here and I'm beggin’ there
♪ Just tryin' to score some wax.
♪ The clerk tells me better come back later next week
♪ Seems you hit us at Bald season’s peak

♪ I can't get no, I can't get no,
♪ I can't get no Mr. Baldo’s® Shiny Wax™!
(Try our new Mentho-Phlog, No Tears wax. For children's tender Balds.)

Now with Phlogiston®‼
Baldo's Shiny Wax™ for Balds. Available at your friendly neighborhood drugstore.

**

(To the Tune of Iron Man)

I. AM. BALD-O!

♪Has he lost his sheen?
♪What can he do to make it gleam?
♪Can he shine his dome?
♪With a dollop of Phlogiston® foam?
♪The la-bel has he read?
♪Will he apply to his head?
♪Just five minutes there
♪Is a priceless aid in Bald-o care.

♪He is polished now
♪The La-dies all shout out WOW!
♪Battling scalpie brine
♪For the future of mankind

♪Nobody mocks him
♪They just stare at his head
♪With Baldo’s Shiny Wax™
♪Any woman he can bed.

♪Now the time is here
♪To travel to your drugstore near
♪Pull it from the shelf
♪An essential tool for Bald-o health!

♪Nobody mocks him
♪They just stare at his head
♪With Baldo’s Shiny Wax™
♪Any woman he can bed.

♪Phlogiston® contains no lead
♪It’s a perfect balm for the Bald-o Head!
♪Run to the store as fast as you can
♪Baldo's Shiny Wax™ for Balds lives again!

As advertised on the Shorn Hannity Radio Hour.
Now with Phlogiston®‼
Baldo's Shiny Wax™ for Balds. Available at your friendly neighborhood drugstore.

**

(The Tune of "Blake's Jerusalem")

♪ And did this wax in ancient time
♪ Polish England's Baldies a-gleam?
♪ And did the waxie wax of Phlogiston®
♪ Giveth England's pleasant Baldie sheen?

♪ And did the Shiny Wax Divine
♪ Shine forth upon our smooth-ed domes?
♪ And was a Healthy Brill-i-ance buff-ed here
♪ Among these dark Satanic liver spots?

♪ Bring me my tub of wax!
♪ Bring me my lambswool shammy!
♪ Bring me my sealant!
♪ O clouds of Phlogiston®‼ Bring me my Baldo's Shiny Wax™!

♪ I will not cease from my buffing,
♪ Nor shall my shammy sleep in my hand
♪ Till Baldo's Shiny Wax™ for Balds,
♪ Has smoothed and polish-ed my pate.

Now with Phlogiston®‼
Baldo's Shiny Wax™ for Balds. Available at your friendly neighborhood drugstore.

SO, uh, neat.

The Most Wanted and Most Unwanted Songs

The artists Komar and Melamid took a survey of music listeners to find out which elements of music were the most and least desirable. The following compositions were the result of those surveys:

This is the most wanted song

This the most unwanted song

I sort of like the most unwanted song.

I am Anonymous.

Over the years, I have been watching you, Five Star Video. Your smirking clerks; your unwillingness to knock down my late fees ; your idiosyncratic classics section; all of these things have caught my eye. With your latest crudely rendered dust erase board portrait of a hollywood star, the extent of your sort of halfassedness has become clear to me.

I have therefore decided that your organization should be destroyed. For the good of your followers, for the good of mankind--for the laughs--I shall systematically dismantle Five Star Video in its present form, probably by holding on to new releases for, like, days. I acknowledge you as a serious opponent, and I am prepared for a long, long campaign. You will not prevail forever. Your methods, hypocrisy, and the artlessness of your organization have sounded its death knell.

You cannot hide; you are next door to the tapas place.

I cannot be disregarded; I have just renewed my membership. Solely by the force of my williness to rent four kids movies at a time, with an occaisonal new release, which, perversely, I tend not to watch, I will inconveniance you in a manner of such mildness and inconsequence, that you will fail to notice my malicious and hostile campaign. If you want another name for your opponent, then call me "The Dude Who Has Rented Barbie: Fairytopia like thirty times" .

I am Anonymous.

I will be turning in "Muppets Treasure Island" a week late.

Expect me.


(An explanation by way of a youtube appears below:)

Two Musical Interludes

Two anecdotes I like from the Ultraclassy World of Music:

As a young man in 1950's New York, composer Morton Feldman (sort of a minimalist New York dude that wrote dense and quiet pieces -- beautiful in a not readily apparent way) hung out a lot with Stefan Wolpe, a sort of intense German-born mad-scientist-type composer.

They were hanging out in Volpe's apartment in the Village, back when crazy composers sort of HAD to live in the Village, and Wolpe was ranting about how music had to appeal to the common man (strange, since Wolpe's music tends toward the academic).

"You need to write for the man on the street!" At which point, Wolpe points out the window of his apartment. Feldman looks out to see the man in the street, who at this self same moment happens to be Jackson Pollock.

Feldman's music does sound like that, music for a world where everybody is Jackson Pollock.

**

Frank Zappa is being interviewed by a Swedish journalist. I guess the Jonestown Massacre is still semi-fresh in the public consciousness at the time of the interview.

The Swedish Reporter: "You're song Jones Crusher, this is about how much hatred you have for Jim Jones that you actually want to crush him?"

Frank Zappa: "No. Actually that song is about a woman with extremely strong vaginal muscles."

The Swedish Reporter : "Oh... well that's very different,"

Good source for weirdo art and music by dead people

Ubu Web. Full of weird audio and video clips of weirdos like John Cage, Guy Debord, Beckett, etc. It's a bit overwhelming.

John Cassavetes punching Ronald Reagan in the face.

Flower Travellin' Band

Roughly the Blue Cheer of Japan. Great Japanese acid rock.



Hat tip to the inimitable slickdpdx (a distant relation toMr. Mxyzptlk) of the even inimitabler-to-being-sui-generis Known Unknowns.

Okay, I laid it on a bit thick.

Go Frank.

There's this guy, Frank Chu. He's a fixture in downtown San Francisco, an eccentric (well, more than an eccentric. More like a schizophrenic) that has a standing bottomless tab in various bars in the Financial District. His claim to fame, other than holding his family hostage in the mid-eighties, is his ongoing protest against the 12 Galaxies.

Or he's for the 12 Galaxies. Anyway, he has a lot to say about the 12 Galaxies, and he has a really nice sign (one of the service bureau in town make his signs for free) that he carries in and around Market and Montgomery, declaiming the evils (or benefits) of the 12 Galaxies. He also has a sideline demanding the impeachment of every president since Nixon. Nevermind that several are dead, and George W. Bush is the only one currently, you know, in office.

There's actually a nightclub in San Francisco named the 12 Galaxies in Frank's sign's honor.

So, to the point:

One of the service unions is striking downtown (the security guards?) and they are trudging, banging drums, chanting, all with grim Union-guy determination.

And there was Frank, standing shoulder-to-shoulder, holding up his 12 Galaxies sign high, keeping the Republic informed and diligent, ready to face the challenge presented by the 12 Galaxies.

Here's a short documentary about Frank Chu.

Another commercial from the Id of commerce

More local TV commercial bliss:

dun-Dun-DUN!!!!!

Mike Gravel has... not my vote, but he has something.

The following Herzogian bit of insanity is a campaign... commercial?... for Senator Mike Gravel. For non-US and for US readers who could give two shits, Mike Gravel is running for the Democratic nomination for president. He's taken the role of the hyper-reformist and has managed to appear in the nationally televised debates.

He's nuts, but good nuts. This little video probably won't help his cause, but it has a soothing Andy Goldsworthy sort of quality.


Here's a whole 'nother bit of electoral fun, a campaign ad for Germany's APP (the Anarchist Pogo Party). Their slogan is "Arbeit ist scheiße" ("Working is shit").
Political campaigns are publicly financed in Germany, which means you get to see awesome shit like this on TV.



Finally, here is the street busker who ran for governor of Tokyo on an all fascist program. This one is very, very special. (He did not win.)

Cynical Dreamer

Goof ballCrackpot Dave hooked me up with the following good shit:

I love to singa.

EXCELLENT Merrie Melodies cartoon from '36 about a young crooning owl. I think you'll agree his insouciance is infectious!

Rip Taylor attacks Norman Mailer with a hammer

Unless you have had a spectacularly trying day, this clip promises to be the most disturbing thing you'll see today. It's not gross or bloody or anything. Just very, very odd.

Norman Mailer wrote and "starred" in a "film" called MAIDSTONE in the late sixties. He had the lead role of a successful film director considering running for president. Rip Torn played an assassin task with killing the director.

Rip Torn apparently tasked himself with killing the director of Maidstone and here we see him attacking a shirtless Norman Mailer with a hammer. Norman Mailer bites his ear. I love how they still manage to call each other "daddy" and "baby" throughout the altercation. Hipsters in a hobbesian state.

I hope that if you and I ever get down to it, we have the self-possession of these chaps to acknowledge each other coolness.



(Ripped off from Panoptist.)

Yet another amazing local tv commercial

Two more gloriously weird dispatches from the edge of commerce

Ntude Lpesbian HOTGIMRLSs Fgondling & Fyingering Outdoor

Welsh people keep emailing my bulk folder.

To whit:

Pooor Gmay Bkoy Squcking GIGANTCBOCK In BkathtubM

I believe this is the first line of the Lord's Prayer in Welsh.

io offers up a truly pithy subject line: *mcLsb c0k"

This may be Scots Gaelic. Not sure.

Meanwhile, ¬ì Il, writes ²³¹¿µÄ¨èÜ· The last known speaker of Manx has contacted me! Honored, I am.

Ah, me. To live in an age that an anonymous Basque correspondent reaches out electronically to a foreign across the sea such as my self, with the poignant cry rendered in his mother tongue: "Ydoung HOQTGURLS In Jeans Tshong Swhowing On Vgoyeur Cham"!

What on earth is happening in the Basquish Lands that a lone Basquish locutor feels the need to contact me, a distant doofus. Animals!

Whoever you are, O Brave Basque, I will do what I can to ensure that the hoqtgurls will vgoyeur on chams, the best chams that money can buy, just as soon as I find out what chams are.

Thankfully, Arantxa Vanhoose, a kindly Internet stranger, has assured via email that "She will make the night memorable for lifetime!!!!"

It's nice to know someone out there is looking out for me.

Tropicalia can probably cause you to die in a firey helicopter crash.

But don't take my word for it. Check out
this nerve-wracking, beautiful video teleported from the Brazilian '70s. (Ripped off from the not at all gender ambiguous White Belts.)