Thursday, November 29, 2007

Here's Paula running in some race or something.

I like how she looks mildly annoyed. She's all hardcore and shit.


Friday, November 16, 2007

No more Wu-Tang in the house.

When I came home tonight, Owen greeted me with "Konichiwa, puta."

"Where'd you learn the word puta?"

"I just made it up."

"Okay, but it's sort of not a nice word."


He looks up at me with a wide smile.

"What about konichiwa bitches?"


Thursday, November 08, 2007

I'm calling you out, Harriet Klausner.

In your reign as the #1 reviewer at has been a little too smug, a little too righteous, a little too goddamn long.

Someone needs to stop you. And that someone is me. So some would say that the fact you've reviewed 15178 books means something, like you are too crazy and too focused to be taken down by a mope like me. Some would point to your claim of reading two books a day as evidence of some unworldly singlemindedness. Well, some people are bed wetting babies.

I'm taking your shit down, Harriet.

True, I've only posted 45 reviews, and you, like goddamn crazy maniac cat lady, have posted over fifteen thousand. And true, some of my reviews are for lesser stars in the Amazon universe, and some aren't what you'd call sincere.

But listen to me now, dollface, I've been only playing up until now. I'm the 10,693rd highest ranked reviewer, considering that's out of 75 BILLION customers, that's not too shabby. If I apply myself, there is no goddamn reason in creation that you won't feel my hot breath on your heels come April.

You make me angry, Harriet. Angry and driven.

I will not cease from mental fight, nor shall my keyboard sleep in my hand, till I have kicked Harriet's ass, on the fields of

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

A must-see film!!!

Who the FUCK came up with the phrase, "A must-see film!!!"? It's not even language.

What fascist impulse is driving the yahoo that uses this phrase. I don't have to must see anything, you ass. I got shit to do.

Speaking of ass, specifically mine, my wife has entered my overweight ass in a HALF-MARATHON (13 miles! 20.9 kilometers! 11.3 nautical miles!) taking place this february. 13 miles! One three! Lots of miles!

This worries me.