Monday, March 27, 2006

Insane Conversations With My Mother: Lenten Edition

My mother was while she was alive could be always depending on Waiting for Godot-like conversation. Maddening, insane conversations.

One lent, I made the mistake of asking her why fish was okay, while meat is verbotten (Russian Orthodox do the full forty days in full lenten fast. None of this Fridays only bullshit). It was an idle question, probably to avoid some other topic.

Her response:
Well, fish are fish.

Me: Right. So they have meat.

She: Weeelll.... they're different.

Me: Why?

She: Fish are fish.

Me: But they have meat.

She: Well, it's fish meat...not animal meat.

Me: Fish are animals.

She: No.

Me: Are they vegetables?

She: No. They're fish.

Me: So there's fish, animals, and vegetables.

She: Yes.

(I get up and get a dictionary. Yeah, I should have let it lie, but... jesus, c'mon.)

Me: FISH. Any of numerous cold-blooded aquatic vertebrates of the superclass Pisces, characteristically having fins, gills, and a streamlined body. (Or some such thing)

Number two: The flesh of such animals used as food. Animals. They're animals, ma.

She, clenching her teeth: Well, aren't you clever.

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