Friday, March 24, 2006

The Mob Rules -- An Appreciation

The Song: The Mob Rules (

The Band: Black Sabbath w/Ronnie James Dio

The Album: The Mob Rules (1981)

I AM RONNIE JAMES DIO. I am a sawed-off guinea runt from New Hampshire with poodle hair, and by rights I should installing car stereos in Perth Amboy.

But through some strange calculus, I have been made lead singer of BLACK MOTHERFUCKING SABBATH. I have Geezer Butler and the mighty Tony Iommi at my call. I also somehow ended up with Carmen Appice from Vanilla Fudge's BROTHER on drums, but hey, you can't have everything.

I was Ritchie Blackmore's bitch in Rainbow, and I will be subjecting the world to middling synthesizer Dungeons and Dragons metal by mid-decade, so this is my Lawnmower Man moment. I AM GOD HERE. And for the next three minutes and fourteen seconds I am going to claw at the sunlight and gulp the sweet air like an escaped Man in an Iron Mask.

So sit back and share this fleeting moment when I totally give myself over to my moment of shrieking like Shiva over Iommi's detuned Panzer assault.

Be there when I claw my way to the top of the douchebag pyramid and catch a glimpse of the Sun.

Please like me.

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