Friday, March 17, 2006

Snakes On a Plane.

The trailer is out. Words fail me.

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7 Comments:

Blogger G. said...

*shaking my head in utter disbelief*

I'll have to get pumped for the premier by watching Wesley Snipes as the up-until-now-only-black-man-to-save-an-airplane movie classic: "Passenger 57" which contains likely the greatest line in cinematic history:

Wesley: "Ever play roulette?"
Terrorist: *dumb terrorist look on his face*
Wesley: "Always bet on black!"

Yeah mutha-fucker! Sam Jackson is gonna kick them snakes a new asshole---wait, do snakes even have assholes?

9:41 AM  
Blogger G. said...

I just realized that this line (based on the one I quoted from "Passenger 57") should definitely be included in the dialogue of "Snakes On Airplanes":

Samuel L. : "Ever play snakes and ladders?"
Assassin: *dumb assassin look on his face*
Samuel L. : "Always bet on snakes."
Assassin: "What the fuck?"

I'm sure the story board would suggest that Samuel L. has developed...or better yet...remembered his Bombay (sorry, Mumbai) snake charming technique from when he was an orphan growing up on the streets of India. So he charms the snake and uses the snake against the assassin! Kind of like a Kafka story where the assassin's weapon is used against the assassin. But with snakes. And Airplanes. And assassins. And no existentialism. Yeah, just like Kafka.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Keep going, G., keep the fuck going with this. You're getting into a groove.

Check this out:
Samuel L. : "Ever play Rock, Paper, Scissors?

Assassin: *dumb assassin look on his face*

Samuel L. : "Always bet on ROCKS."

(Samuel L. lifts his fist up...)

Assassin: "PAPER!"

He grabs Samuel L.'s fist.

Samuel L.: You MOTHER FUCKER.

Samuel L. stabs the Assassin in the eye with a pair of scissors.

Samuel L.: AND HERE'S A FUCKING SNAKE!!!

Samuel L. jams a writhing copperhead into the Assassin's bleeding eye socket.

1:19 PM  
Blogger G. said...

Samuel L. "Ever play gin rummy?"
Assassin: *Stupid assissin look on his face*
Samuel L.: "Ever play whist?"
Assassin: *Stupid assissin look on his face*
Samuel L.: "How'bout hide the weasel?" *wink wink*
Assassin: *Stupid assissin look on his face*
Samuel L.: "Flog the dolphin?" *wink wink*
Assassin: *Stupid assissin look on his face*
Samuel L.: "Uno! You've got to fuckin' know Uno!"
Assassin: *Getting bored*
Samuel L: "Don't you fuckin' bitches know any mother fucking card games?"
Assassin: *shrugs his shoulders*
Samuel L.:"Fuck, what kinda fucked up upbringing did you have?"
Assassin: *tear rolls down his cheek*
Sameul L.:"You're one sad motherfucker. Come give momma a hug."
Assassin: *embraces Samuel L.*
Samuel L.: "Time to die bitch!"

*Samuel L. grabs the closest snake and uses it as a garot to strangle the assassin*

end scene.

2:58 PM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Samuel L.: Dubo yubou ubevuber wubatch Zuboom?

Assassin: *Stupid assissin look on his face*

Samuel L.: Bitch, I said dubo yubou ubevuber wubatch Zuboom?

Assassin: s.a.l.o.h.f.

Samuel L.: I said, DO YOU EVER WATCH MOTHERFUCKING ZOOM, DUMMY.

Samuel L. grabs a snake, snaps a fang off, pokes into an artery and blows, causing an airbubble to form, killing the assassin instantly.

3:13 PM  
Blogger G. said...

I assume you've seen this.
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4843/2117/1600/Snakesonaplane1js.jpg

5:29 PM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Bitch, I got the the contest and the motherfucking rough cut.

So step off.

The poster made my day. I mean that LITERALLY. Can you arrange adventure races for fat men with halitosis? Like, a permenant one?

5:49 PM  

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