Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Slight lessening of hatred of the season.

Wife got fake tree, took portrait of boy under said fake tree. Cute. Small chink found in my hatred of Santa Claus, the Christian Church, the Jewish faith, Snow, the month of December, virgin births, Stockings hung with care, family functions, shopping, humanity, wrapping paper, choral music, christmas TV specials, stop motion animation, traditional cel animation, Rankin Bass, Hannukah, Wreaths, driving, shopping malls, egg nog, ham, conversation, the elderly, charity, hope, faith, the entire oevre of Christmas Hymns, Bing Crosby, Mickey Rooney, Fred Astaire, Perry Como, Georg Handel, Nat King Cole, Eartha Kit, the Beach Boys, the Gospel, the Tanakh, Charles Dickens, any and all variations of the Christmas Carol (including the Muppets Christmas Carol) sleighs, jingle bells, theism, montheism, tannenbaums, elves, Zwarte Piet, St. Nicholaus, Father Christmas, Father Frost, Kris Kringle, Santa Claus (again), the Three Ships, the Baby Jesus, Hannukah Harry, O. Henry, Mary Baker Eddy, the Koran, Al'Lah, the Talmud, The Trinity, Martin Luther, Mark, John, Paul, Luke, the Book of Common Prayer, the Book of Mormon, Thomas Aquinas, the Haidith, Zoroaster, near eastern sky gods,any sort of Magi, Silence (day or night), flocking, garland, giant inflatable Santas-reindeers-pine trees, garish windows decorations, sales, the arboreal race, cookies, ginger, nutmeg, vanilla, Mexican wedding cakes, lemon squares, roast beef, Ambrosia salad, the Salvation Army, Public Address systems, scarves, puffy jackets, hats, thick socks, bells, brass bands, top hats, holly, red noses, ear muffs, festive sweaters adorned with reindeers, the color red, the color green, plaid, waistcoats, turtle necks, football, hockey, college sports, school vacations, tinsel, little wooden clogs, the names Joseph, Mary and Jesus, angels, mangers, the Roman census, 12 nights, 12 days of anything,the supernatural, menorrahs, Kawanzaa, people making jokes about Kawanzaa, greeting people, jocularity, the Bishop of Constantinople, the Eastern Roman Empire, Federal Holidays, Bethelhem, King Wenceslas, latkes, Christmas plays, creches, singing donkeys-sheep-camels, snowmen, reindeer, disappointment, joy, Hans Brinker, ice skates, Tim Allen, mulled wine, drunk relatives, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, YHWH, Yule, pagan regeneration myths, the Mithras cult, the Norse god Baldur, mistletoe, disrupted mail delivery, New Years, Dick Clark, glittering balls, ornaments, lights, light, protons in general, shorts days, long nights, monthly credit card statements, churlish crumdgeons that hate Christmas, and the seasonal spirit of giving to those less fortunate that ends on Boxing Day.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Merry early Christmas, Jew.


3:44 AM  
Blogger Walking Spanish said...

It's about time someone shed light on the evil that is Hans Brinker

9:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is quite a list. I'm impressed.

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A white Christmas tree? What are you racist?


1:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you forgot snow in a can

4:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you have these "Grow Your Own Christmas Tree", "Grow Your Own Snowflake", "Grow Your Own Santa" etc. thingys in the US, or is it a UK phenomenon? When I come home and find them in Germany too I'll cry. Really.

3:59 PM  
Blogger Pursey Tuttweiler said...

I don't know what you have against Egg Nog. It tastes pretty good with a little shot of alcohol in it. Goes pretty good with Albert King singing Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin' or Miles Davis singing Blue Xmas (To Whom It May Concern). My Christmas tree has a Che ornament, a Red Light District ornament that I brought back from Amsterdam and an Alcatraz ornament. Those really help to get me in the spirit. I like to skip out on the shopping and wrapping and what not and just play my funky music and get a little toasted with my funky tree with blue lights.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Mikon -- Merry Christmas yerself. Care for some delicious Christmas pork?

Spanish -- One year I received two seperate copies of goddamn Hans Brinker from two elderly relatives. Creeps.

Kim -- At least some good came from my angst. Actually I listed most of those things in a very, very long meeting.

G. -- Tree is albino.

Marion -- Whatever those things may be, the sound awful. Grown your own anything is a recipe for heartbreak.

Pursey -- You have missed the point. No, actually you haven't. Sounds like you have the right and proper attitude for the season. It'll come. Maybe I should get a Che ornament or Baader-Meinhoff Gang stocking to get in the mood.

12:04 AM  
Blogger Pursey Tuttweiler said...

Mr. Mills,

I do not have a Baader-Meinhoff Gang stocking. I may have to make one. Let me know if you find one. How charming. That's the spirit!

1:01 PM  

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