Saturday, November 08, 2008

Admonishments for young and old

Don't ever promise the neighbors you're going to stop your little welding project. You're not, so why lie?

Don't be offended when you find yourself seated by yourself at an otherwise empty table at a wedding. You probably have a problem too hideous to discuss. Enjoy the fact that you have friends that are willing to spare your feelings.

Don't stand up at work and shout "Eleven! Eleven is the winner!" unless you are croupier.

Don't bake crude reliefs of sexual organs into any meat loaf you plan to serve at any sort of function where pornographers might be attending. They like to get away from work just like anyone else.

If you have any children in your care, give them access to clean air and earth-like gravity.

If you have a supernumerary nipple, don't brag about it. No one likes a braggart.

If have a guest in your home that is ugly, affect a limp. That way they won't feel so bad about their rotten pig face.


Blogger HelenWheels said...

You're just too damn funny.

3:41 PM  
Blogger said...

I'm making meatloaf tomorrow. Should I make it phallic? I think it would go over rather well.

4:02 PM  
Blogger kimananda said...

Earth-like gravity? What fun is that?

10:22 AM  

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