Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Blogging for cab fare.

Well, my winky little blog moonlighting program is slowly unfolding. Here are some "practice" reviews I did for the soon-to-be revealed mystery magazine. These won't be appearing online, but don't you worry, I already have my next assignments. Bwa-ha.

Here are my reviews (be gentle):

Ren & Stimpy: The Lost Episodes
Paramount Home Video
Not Rated
169 minutes


Skeevy is a powerful word. It could describe a date in
a rest-stop men’s toilet, or a used mattress, or
Newark. Heretofore, skeevy hasn’t been used to
describe the entire run of an animated TV series, even
one that appeared on Spike TV. The 2 DVD set “Ren &
Stimpy: The Lost Episodes” rectifies this by
collecting nearly the entire run of Spike TV’s “Ren &
Stimpy: Adult Party Cartoon”. Very adult. Very skeevy.
If your only experience with Ren & Stimpy is the
relatively tame, if booger-centric, Nickelodeon show
of the early ’90, you’re in for a shock or a pleasant
surprise with this collection, depending on your
tolerance for sodomy jokes. With anal auto-eroticism,
abortion jokes, boobies and a cameo of animation
pioneer Ralph Bakshi wrestling with epic constipation,
this is not for the kiddies. Still, lots of laffs for
the brave hearted. Proceed with caution.


Christ Illusion
American Recordings

*** 1/2

"Religion is rape. Religion is obscene. Religion's
a whore!" So says Slayer on the track "Cult"
from their new album "Christ Illusion". Of course,
Mr. Ainsworth told us pretty much the same thing one
Spring morning on the way to a Peewee Soccer game. But
Mr. Ainsworth was driving a station wagon, he smoked
Mores, and had a scalp-showing-flat-top. His delivery
lacked frisson. Slayer, god bless 'em, has built a
career on god-hating frisson. Of course, at this point
the guys could be Mr. Ainsworth, all beefy men in
their mid-forties. But they haven't reached their
"Hello, Cleveland" moment yet. Monster cuts like
"Supremist" and "Jihad" deliver old school
mayhem like a kick to the yarbles -- thanks in no
small part to the return of the double-bass fury of
original drummer Dave Lombardo. So, up with Satan! We
have a solid, if predictable, Slayer product.

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Blogger Crackpot Press said...

I saw a bus stop ad for this album today and had wondered if you were aware of it.

Apparantly you were.

6:19 PM  
Blogger G. said...

I laughed when I read this, because just yesterday I decided to play Slayer's "Angel of Death" really, really loud.

4:30 AM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Slayer used to scare the shit out of me in High School. My creepy headbanger friend would show this album covers with a goat-headed Satan wielding a SWORD OF FIRE.

"Dude, it's just like hardcore, except it's about Satan."

Now I'm down with Mr. Scratch, so everything is cool.

8:49 AM  

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