Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Blogging for cab fare.

Well, my winky little blog moonlighting program is slowly unfolding. Here are some "practice" reviews I did for the soon-to-be revealed mystery magazine. These won't be appearing online, but don't you worry, I already have my next assignments. Bwa-ha.

Here are my reviews (be gentle):

Ren & Stimpy: The Lost Episodes
Paramount Home Video
Not Rated
169 minutes

***

Skeevy is a powerful word. It could describe a date in
a rest-stop men’s toilet, or a used mattress, or
Newark. Heretofore, skeevy hasn’t been used to
describe the entire run of an animated TV series, even
one that appeared on Spike TV. The 2 DVD set “Ren &
Stimpy: The Lost Episodes” rectifies this by
collecting nearly the entire run of Spike TV’s “Ren &
Stimpy: Adult Party Cartoon”. Very adult. Very skeevy.
If your only experience with Ren & Stimpy is the
relatively tame, if booger-centric, Nickelodeon show
of the early ’90, you’re in for a shock or a pleasant
surprise with this collection, depending on your
tolerance for sodomy jokes. With anal auto-eroticism,
abortion jokes, boobies and a cameo of animation
pioneer Ralph Bakshi wrestling with epic constipation,
this is not for the kiddies. Still, lots of laffs for
the brave hearted. Proceed with caution.

##

Slayer
Christ Illusion
American Recordings

*** 1/2

"Religion is rape. Religion is obscene. Religion's
a whore!" So says Slayer on the track "Cult"
from their new album "Christ Illusion". Of course,
Mr. Ainsworth told us pretty much the same thing one
Spring morning on the way to a Peewee Soccer game. But
Mr. Ainsworth was driving a station wagon, he smoked
Mores, and had a scalp-showing-flat-top. His delivery
lacked frisson. Slayer, god bless 'em, has built a
career on god-hating frisson. Of course, at this point
the guys could be Mr. Ainsworth, all beefy men in
their mid-forties. But they haven't reached their
"Hello, Cleveland" moment yet. Monster cuts like
"Supremist" and "Jihad" deliver old school
mayhem like a kick to the yarbles -- thanks in no
small part to the return of the double-bass fury of
original drummer Dave Lombardo. So, up with Satan! We
have a solid, if predictable, Slayer product.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Crackpot Press said...

I saw a bus stop ad for this album today and had wondered if you were aware of it.

Apparantly you were.

6:19 PM  
Blogger G. said...

I laughed when I read this, because just yesterday I decided to play Slayer's "Angel of Death" really, really loud.

4:30 AM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Slayer used to scare the shit out of me in High School. My creepy headbanger friend would show this album covers with a goat-headed Satan wielding a SWORD OF FIRE.

"Dude, it's just like hardcore, except it's about Satan."

Now I'm down with Mr. Scratch, so everything is cool.

8:49 AM  

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