Friday, June 09, 2006

Canada: Peaceable Dominion

Lovely people, my neighbors. Polite, yet darkly absurd. Friendly, welcoming, with beer approaching the American product in sheer urine-tastic flavor. I love 'em. Know only one asshole Canadian, and I even like him.

How do they do it? RITUALIZED VIOLENCE and WARFARE. Lacrosse, a Canadian aboriginal invention was known in its original form as "Little Brother of War" (at least according to the Young Person's Encyclopedia of Sports that my Mom bought in the neverending struggle to forestall my latent homosexuality) was used to settle territorial disputes in lieu of full on slaughter.

The haolie palefaces that in turned birthed the Dominion (after sending all the Indians to be adopted by pinch-faced Methodist spinsters who could only sublimated their gargantuan libidos by snapping the wee-wees of young redmen in the Books of Common Prayer) must have picked up on the good sense of that, since they evolved hockey to the swollen testicle Ragnorak from the prissy game of charades that a bunch of nancy boys from McGill University put together to wile away their 19th century faggot Winter Sundays.

So, respect hockey. It's only a thin blue penalty line that keeps Canada from reclaiming their Viking mantle and killing everybody. Oh, and fuck the World Cup.

The latent violence of Canadian Ice Goons is palpable here:



Blogger Stephanie said...

bless their cotton socks and all things canadiana

3:38 AM  
Blogger Greg Mills said...

Amen and kiss the Puffin's ass to that sister.

3:22 PM  
Blogger G. said...

The is a god, and his name is Tie Domi.

10:26 AM  

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